whoa... has time really flown by taht quickly??

a fast update on the past wk in perspective... last weds met BB to discuss a possible new project, then played bad, thurs, went's to Patricia's and cooked salmon pasta... simple but effective... MUST do it again... i'll go by to cook soemthign else another time, i guess... then friday, that was flare... very um.. flary... can't be stuffed explainign. saturday was teh interim church group led by the intervening pastoral team. After that totally weird session, me and me peeps decided to leave the ministry. we are going to be a totally kewl independent christian group.. the lavidian movement anyone??

this week, i've been bzbz recording and mastering my new song, 'hold me close', in an attempt to raise the bar on my recording standards, i have faced immense synchronisation issues, and will continue to persevere until i have reached an acceptable quality.

Sometimes when you are faced with 2 equally bad decisions, what do you do? you just choose the better of the two. Yes... there is an ominous cloud hanging over me, but what can i say... i am joel, and in my pursuit of becoming the true lavidian, certain tough decisions have to be made. i had to choose the lesser of two evils. i have been in transition between churches, due to lost in confidence in current leadership in my old church. there was a dramatic intervention by them in my old cell group, due to certain events, notwithstanding my leaving the church. Unfortunately, due to the circumstances, the best option was to allow the old cell members the option to move out of the previous structure, and we are now a non-affiliated group. An exodus? a rebellion? a revolution? call it whatever you want, i dun really care. What's important is that there is spiritual growth. It is unfortunate... but some decisions and actions have to be done, lest the result of inaction is further disarray.

aniways, let's redirect this conversation to biological clock. when a girl turns 25... her time is up and she either gets married, or... LOTS! *if you dun get it, LOTS = left on the shelf. Why is this so? 'cos the shelf life of a girl is only 25 years. once you stretch beyond it, the physical attractiveness fades away, and they will tend to become bitter about not having someone. However, what is more apparant than not is the contrast when considering the effective shelf life of men. Over time, their value increases. Why? 'cos they get their act together over time, and girls dig that. So here you have char koay teow and wine... one decomposes after time and one increases in value.

I am still young, and as i plow through the years, i am not fazed about this phenomenon, as i can only stand to benefit. in 5 years, i'll be able to date a 10year younger gal, and this time it'll be legal. So, as time ticks by, my options open... whereas for girls.. .their options narrow.

Thank God i'm a guy. Yes this is very controversial... but so what? it's my blog, and it's my point of view, if you dun like it, then dun read it... haha... the theory of char koay teow and wine...

How about the other intriguing theory of cockroach and gold coin? ppl get into r/ships for different reasons, and that i can understand. ppl stay in relationships for different reasons, and i tell ya, it is stoopid. the first type is... they wanna be together...so for both parties, good, they have found their gold coin and wanna hang on to it. But what if you have a cockroach instead? what if the gold coin you thought was your r/ship was actually a cockroach? do you then toss it away?? do you fling it as far away, to prevent infection? A good relationship is beneficial, but a bad one is detrimental, like a cockroach, it'll infect you until you DIE... or want to DIE at least... Other ppl hang on to their cockroaches, hoping that in the process of hanging on, they will find a gold coin one day, then they will do a swap... swapping the cockroach for the gold coin. Is this stupid?? YES! Y? 'cos by holding on to the cockroach, you are still being infected. Maybe to most ppl an average r/ship is good enuf, but after my last one, i've decided that average just isnt' enuf... if the person is not fantastic, that person will never get a go. y? 'cos it'll just be a waste of time. imagine ending up with a cockroach for the rest of your life just because you were too scared and insecure to throw it out, and go searching for the gold coin? Or maybe a gold coin passed you by, 'cos you here clinging to your cockroach. Gold coins are valuable.. worth more than you can ever imagine... and once you've found yours, treasure it.

I beleive that everybody has their gold coin out there... but by holding on to a cockroach, you may put the gold coin off... Statistics??? i'll give you statistics... only 50% of couples are happy together. the other half are just waitign for someone better to come along... one of my chix... a veryvery beautiful one, just broke up wif the guy she swore to me that she'd marry... they were tog for a coupla years too... then.. he found a brighter, bigger gold coin. Is this what r/ships are?? fair trade towards higher value??? what is the point then? it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all??? or ... all you need is love? but why settle for mediocrity when you can have abundance... i believe in abundance... maybe i am too picky... but over the years, i've realised that the meaning of life is to dream, and to pursue your dreams with utmost dedication and devotion. As for relationships, if you're a girl.. go... get hitched... before you pass your 25 mark and suffer... guys.. relax... you have no expiry date.. sit back and enjoy...

i am the ultimate lavidian...

"time passess... things happen... events occur... people change..."

this was the third mantra i inscribed in the early years of 2000, back in my exploratory days... an as i reflect upon this, i see the meaning and the quality of thought that i possessed even back then. Even now, as time slowly ticks away, various things happen, ballooning into the occurances of events, and in all that process, people start changing. I have changed, and you have too. By understanding that we cannot oppose the natural balance of life, we can then live the way life is meant to be lived...

fyi, the other two mantras are "the existance of non-existance if probably improbable," and "to be is to live."

update on my life... a whole cacophony has happened.. with the sudden reduction of events in the week before, this week has exploded into a torrent of events. i am shaken, not stirred, cautious, not alarmed. Highlights were monday's dinner... laksa king and then churos... YUMMYYYYYY... then was ST's bdae... was interesting too. what's next.. c'est la vie? tried to talk to kiffy today, but certain occurances prevented it from occuring.

what's next? the return of the king? the return of the true lavidian? yes.. maybe that's it... i am the ultimate lavidian, but perhaps, there is still another level to achieve.. to be the true lavidian... and only God can guide me down that path.

i am bz... VERY bz, but i can't get work done, am feeling stressed.. there's so much at hand at this point of time. Sat played frisbee, was swell.. very swell actually.. haha... and got some studying done. i dunno what what will unfold in the next coupla weeks... but it's all in God's hands, so i'm KEWL wif that.. lalalla... i think i'm going to go totally nutz sometime soon... LOOKING FORWARD To my thurs dinner wif patricia... now.. that's a highlight... as you can say, friday going for flare dance... to support my girls.. and guys... and sat... that's where the decisions will be made that will determine the future of the lavidian regime... i am the ultimate lavidas.. will i become the true lavidian? only time will tell.. .there are many things that i have to sort out before i embrace my destiny... Dorothy may be leaving soon too... meaning that'll be farewell to one of the most important ppls in my life... many have left, and few have filled in the huge gaps... but i'll survive and trudge on... it's the people that count, and my heart trembles with the knowing apocalypse just pending in the distance...

What is the meaning of life? Simply to live and let live? or to realise yourself, and fulfil your potential? perhaps... or perhaps... everything's just a facade... all's but faded away... let's just dance and forget all this...

what song shall we dance to??? what else is there??? "ETERNAL SUNSHINE!"

i am the ultimate lavidian...

trying to be the true lavidian

A quick update... wkend was swell, on sat, visited ben and beth's life group, then met up wif dad, then tried to look at assignment, but was too busy playing wif the ds... i managed to hack it, haha... On sun, woke up, went for the lunch at aa's... was swell too... rather noisy, i must admit.. but then in the arvo, my brain suddenly shut... and i napped as dorothy drove back. next... rushing assignment... and monday, rushed assignment too...

Now, enuf about the boring stuff... back to what really matters... time... you need to spend time wif yourself... ppl nowadays spend time at work, wif ppl, in front of tv... but not with themselves... how can you understand yourself if you dun spend time wif yourself? Balance is and will always be the key to a satisfying and exciting life. I'm currently unable to maximise my experiences due to the huge chunk of projects on my hands now... and as i plow through them, i have to balance the amount of human-interaction as well as productivity. There is a finite amount of time to be divided among human-interaction and productivity. When you enjoy a cuppa wif a mate, that is time you no longer have to study for a test, or prepare for an assignment.

I choose to do further studies as I believe that the benefits will outweigh the costs. i choose to play my ds as the games inspire creativity. i choose to meet up with people who i want to. That is my life. I choose to undertake projects as i am me... am i crazee... i know i am... but it's all coming along...

one recent conversation i had was about commitment. is commitment good or bad... i was the sole supporter of 'bad' in a group where everybody was supporting 'good'. I believe that commitment to the right thing is good, whereas commitment to the wrong thing is bad. And since there is an overwhelming tendency for ppl to choose wrongly, most commitments are bad. Then again, considering the negatory predisposition for people to SUCK at commitment... ppl will give up a commitment for the stupidest reasons... due to other commitments, or just a lack of commital persistance. If you commit to a person, it may be good, but the tendency of a commital fallout is too rampant to ignore, 1 out of 2 marriages fail - READ:DIVORCE... a statistic in both USA and Australia. And this does not include statistics for cohabitation that fails, or seriosu relationships that fail.

Hence, I conclude, that no commitment is better than bad commitment. And even good commitment can fail. Hence, if good commitment can fail, good commitment is potentially bad, making ALL commitment potentially bad. So why commit?

Perhaps it is only through commitment that you get most out of life... the things that are worth more will cost more to acquire. there are more risks involved in more profitable ventures. "To love and to be loved in return" - this famous quote from Moulin Rouge examplifies this. It is talking about love... the deepest passions of humanity... but it does not say "To commit, and to be committed in return". I wonder why... (if you get the nuance, good on ya, if not... go read the blogs of some simple-minded bimbo talking about her mascara instead).

In summary... Commitment can be good, but is generally bad based on human tendency and predisposition.

i am the ultimate lavidian

been bzbz...

had din wif lwh on tues, today is tyl, and yest (weds), i cleared up my room... now, i can see the floor. tonite, i'll move my keyboard into my room, completing the set up of my interim studio...

i realised that i do have quite a bit of old half-recordings that i could complete recording... haha... then... success!

i've been talking to a few people, and i am currently LONGING for my end of year trip to come... after all the work, i desire a break... i desire a good, complete break from the normality of life. Phuket, Sarawak are my current destinations... still up for changes in the next few months... i'm flexible... but due to certain developments, vietnam and sabah were removed from the itenary... but more importantly.... the 2007 dream... NZ skiing in july, and Hawaii in dec. Will it happen? I dunno... but i sure do want it to... gosh... how about Barbados?? now, that is an idea...

What else is new? a new theory... the pigeonhole theory that expresses a distinctive point of view on flirting. Hmm... i will try to find time to start recording... but my assignment is due soon, and i really shoudl start preparing to do my certification...

gosh... am i really that lazy... perhaps i am... perhaps i am... but, whatever it is... phase 3 is almost complete... am looking forward to implementing phase 4, but i dun wanna rush into things... for the moment... i must enjoy...

on a totally different topic... i watched devil wears prada yest... haha... an absolutely brilliant movie... with very distinctive themes that overshadow the mild ones. The distinctive ones are seeking out one's dreams, personal vs professional life. the mild ones which i think are VERY VERY intriguing are : conformity, shortsightedness, opportunity.

i can't be bothered elaborating on them, but it is very intriguing i must admit... in a way, the major themes of our lives tend to overshadow the minor ones, however, what we tend to overlook is the undeniable fact that the minor themes are what defines the major themes. An oxymoron? i think so...

i am the ultimate lavidian...

i was sleeping... my eyes suddenly opened... and the revelation hit me...

life is life... to seek to control life is to be in a small boat at sea trying to control the storm - it is impossible. all you can do is try to navigate best you can towards the direction that you want to go. If you know where you wanna be, then the tormentous journey called life becomes easier to live. since with each torrent and each slapping wave, despite possibly being dragged further and further from your destination... you know that if you are determined enough, sooner or later you will arrive. sooner or later it will become. now... that is the way of life.

think of it as a progression... when young, you travel with the mother ship.... in adolescence, you start straying around, but return to shelter with the behemoths of the sea when the storms come. When the time comes, you leave the comfort. You leave the protection of the mother ship and the fleet... you take on life by yourself. Now, different people have different types of ships of different sizes, but all go through the expense of life. Big ships have trouble with reefs and small ships have troubles with deep oceans. With such a situation in mind, the crew of your life-ship becomes integral. A strong supportive crew will get you to your destination easily. Think of yourself as the captain, and of the different crew are qualities you possess... vision, determination, adaptation, strength of character, etc... another thing that happens is other ships. you may fleet togeher with other ships to help each other in the tremoultous seas... or stop to rescue some floundering ship, or sometimes get knocked aside by some inconsiderate bastard. Whatever the case... the crew of your ship is integral to achieving the goal. If your crew is insufficient to bring you through the crashing waves, upgrade your crew... the only solution. To get a stronger ship is not realistic, as the ship represents you. you cannot change who you are, but can only change the quality of the insides which can and will pull you through.

Time... in essence is life... and like life can be easily wasted... have you wasted your time today? have you wasted your life today... if the things you do take you a step further from where you want to be... DUN DO IT! as simple as that. seek out your destination, then challenge the seas of life...

i am the ultimate lavidian

a quick update... friday - went rockclimbing.. then shot pool wif AhZI... saturday... had brekky wif a mate, met his friends, then of i went to bowlin... sunday was less intense... but still... the sermon was very lavidian in nature, and enunciated lavidas with each sentence. Oh yeah, and i witness melbourne victory demolish queensland 4-1. was swell.

no mood to write much, i suddenly have a overwhelmingly packed schedule... despite some stoopid idiot missing my dinner. WTF? i tell ya... WTF... somebody's gonna pay... and gonna pay BIG TIME... such disdain is irrevocably unacceptable.

am i angry, yes, i am... how can lavidian's get angry? a lavidian lives life. sometimes things in life get one angry. so, to be angry is to embrace the lavidas, and by not denying one's emotions, one gets more in touch wif themselves. life sux. that is a fact. however, there is the lavidian precept that by allowing life to suck, we are then able to focus on the things that bring us closer to lavidas. Things happen daily that are outside our control, however, what we can do is to embrace and focus on living the rainbow life... things that you can surround yourself wif to improve the colour content of one's life. hmm...

i am a pissed off ultimate lavidian.